Friday, March 29, 2013

Just Keep Going

I'm learning that writing a book never really ends. When I started out about a year ago, determined to take my shot at writing a novel, I had the idea that, at some point, I would feel accomplished. Like I'd done something. Finished some wonderful story and could move on.

So far, that hasn't happened. 

My first (very naive) assumption was that I would feel this way after finishing the first draft. Yes, I knew intellectually that there would still be a lot of work, but the emotional centers of my brain insisted that I would feel done. 

I finished the first draft last November (thanks to some intense NaNoWriMo encouragement!) and instead of feeling accomplished, I felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with how far I had come. Overwhelmed with how much further I had to go. I felt like I'd spent ten months climbing a mountain, a mountain that was steeper and more dangerous than anything I'd ever tried, only to find out that there was a much taller mountain just behind it. One that I couldn't see while I climbed the one in front of me. 

I spent December in a haze of stunned lethargy. Really? I'd come this far and I wasn't even close to finishing? I would have to push harder and farther than I'd imagined and I felt like, maybe, I couldn't. Maybe I wasn't strong enough. Good enough. Brave enough. Maybe I just wasn't capable. 

But at some point I decided to go on. To take one more step. To pick up this burden, this book I'd worked so hard on, and carry it a bit further. 

And here I am, pushing towards the end of the second draft. And I know that when I do finish this draft, it isn't the end. It isn't even close. And I'm okay with that. 

And, maybe, just maybe, some day in the distant future when I finally hold a physical copy of my book. Maybe then, I will feel done.

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1 comment:

  1. Your title made me think "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." Then the content made me feel the same way. Remember Dori's advice, and you'll be finished before you know it. :D